A Christmas Letter To You
You might be reading this on Christmas Eve feeling calm, surrounded by people you love, with a sense that things are steady and warm and more or less as they…
Christmas has a funny way of turning even the most grounded adults into their teenage selves. You can be living your best grown-up life – therapy, boundaries, emotional insight, the whole lot – and yet one comment from a family member can make your inner snow globe explode like someone shook it out of boredom in a gift shop.
Family dynamics at Christmas aren’t just complicated.
They’re… layered. Like lasagne.
But forget pasta and cheese, these layers represent:
If any of this sounds familiar, you are very much not alone.
🎄 A Moment That Sums It Up
Imagine this, if you will…
You’re sat at the dinner table. The turkey has just been placed in the centre. Your sister looks over at you, takes a huge breath and says:
“Careful… you know what she’s like. She’ll eat the whole lot.”
The whole table laughs.
For them, it’s a harmless Christmas joke.
But for you?
It presses a bruise you didn’t realise was still there – a waterfall of old memories, childhood shame, the feeling of being singled out or made fun of. And before you’ve even had a chance to pass the gravy, your snow globe is well and truly shaken.
That’s the thing about family dynamics: they don’t just stir the present – they reopen the past. Memories you thought you’d dealt with and forgotten suddenly bubble up from depths you thought were impossible to be triggered.
🌪 Why Family Feels So Intense at Christmas
Family gatherings compress everything into a smaller emotional space.
More people, less routine, higher expectations, and a cultural script that says everyone should be cheerful “because it’s Christmas.”
It’s the perfect recipe for triggering:
Even if you adore your family, Christmas can stir things up.
And if your family is… complicated?
Then congratulations – you’re normal.
🧨 The Return of Old Family Roles
You can do years of inner work – therapy, self-reflection, healing – but walking into a family Christmas can feel like stepping onto an old stage, where everyone remembers their lines and expects you to perform yours.
Suddenly you’re:
These roles are outdated, but the nervous system remembers them as if they were yesterday.
❤️🩹 How Tiny Moments Cause Big Shakes
What shakes your snow globe might be small from the outside:
A comment.
A tone of voice.
A glance.
An expectation.
Someone else’s stress landing on you.
But your body reacts to the meaning — not the moment.
And the meaning is often rooted in childhood.
This is why something tiny can feel enormous.
Your system isn’t silly – it’s remembering.
🌿 Gentle Ways to Help the Snow Settle
Here are small, realistic things that make a real difference:
1. Step outside the emotional bubble
A breath of fresh air.
A moment alone in the bathroom.
A quiet reset away from the noise.
2. Permit yourself to break old roles
You don’t have to be the fixer, the peacekeeper, the clown, or the strong one.
Not this year.
3. Prepare micro-boundaries
Tiny internal lines, like:
“I don’t have to answer that.”
“That’s their emotion, not mine.”
“It’s okay to pause before responding.”
4. Protect your energy, not just your time
Sit next to the safest person.
Leave early if you need to.
Take breaks before you unravel.
5. Offer yourself compassion
Your reactions aren’t dramatic – they are intelligent, adaptive, and human.
🎁 A Gentle Closing Thought
If your snow globe gets shaken at Christmas, it doesn’t mean:
It means your system remembers things your mind has tried to move past.
And you deserve kindness, not criticism.
This is Part 3 of the Snow Globe Series.
Next, we’ll explore Grief & Invisible Loss – and how December often awakens emotions we’ve quietly carried for years.
And if you’d like a calm place to untangle your feelings this season, you’re warmly welcome to reach out.
I offer a free introductory session – no pressure, just space for your snow to settle.
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