A Christmas Letter To You
You might be reading this on Christmas Eve feeling calm, surrounded by people you love, with a sense that things are steady and warm and more or less as they…
The Ghost of Christmas Perfectionism has a talent for sneaking up on even the calmest of people and whispering,
“Make it magical… but also effortless… and preferably Instagrammable.”
And just like that, perfectionism pulls up a chair, rolls up its sleeves, and begins its annual takeover, and the s’elf destruction begins..
Perfectionism at Christmas looks warm and wholesome from the outside – handmade wreaths, coordinated pyjamas, a roast dinner that requires the organisational skill of air traffic control and that blooming Elf -On-The-Shelf! – but inside, something very different can be happening. A strange mixture of panic, self-criticism, people-pleasing, overfunctioning and existential dread, all wrapped in tinsel.
The Ghost of Christmas Perfectionism has jingled his bells at me more times than I care to remember. Whether it was wanting to ensure my children, in their younger years, got all the presents on their list, or wanting to make the best Mince Pies, Christmas Perfectionism is a problem for many people.
If this sounds familiar, please know this: you’re not alone, and you’re not broken.
You’re simply caught in a very human pattern.
Maybe you recognise some of these behaviours:
Perfectionism tells us that a perfect Christmas will protect us from disappointment, judgement, conflict, or shame.
But behind the scenes, our nervous system is going high entropy — swirling thoughts, tense bodies, catastrophising about whether the stuffing is dry or whether Aunt Margaret thinks you’re a disappointment.
Meanwhile, the neighbours just microwaved a lasagne on Christmas Day and had a fantastic time.
If you’ve been following this Christmas series, you’ll know the “snow globe mind” metaphor:
Perfectionism is basically a professional snow globe shaker.
Nothing has actually gone wrong — but the nervous system reacts as if the fate of the world depends on:
This isn’t vanity or silliness.
Perfectionism is usually a protective strategy — a way of trying to feel safe, valued and appreciated.
But when the cost is your body, sanity, sleep or joy, something needs to change.
1. The Good-Enough Christmas List
Write a list of everything you think you should do…
then pick one third of it.
Not the most important things mathematically — the things that will actually bring meaning.
The difference between a perfect Christmas and a good-enough Christmas is usually:
If someone is disappointed that you didn’t make six side dishes and hand-engrave the Christmas crackers… that speaks more about them, not you.
2. Emotional labour outsourcing
Not every tradition has to be performed by you.
Let people contribute, even if they do it “wrong.”
Children can wrap gifts.
Partners can decorate the tree (yes, even if the baubles cluster).
Guests can peel potatoes.
Supermarkets can provide dessert (revolutionary, I know).
Repeat after me:
Delegating is not failure – it is nervous-system regulation.
3. The Internal Permission Slip
Before Christmas Eve arrives, write yourself a sentence starting with:
“I am allowed to…”
Examples:
Keep it somewhere visible.
Psychologically, it creates low-entropy anchor points – little reference markers of calm when everything feels chaotic.
A quiet truth that perfectionism doesn’t want you to know
The people you love won’t remember:
They will remember:
Christmas is not a performance – it’s a moment.
It doesn’t need to be perfect to be meaningful.
To read this series from the beginning, you should start here..
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